Photo by Kevin King at www.vagrantgaze.com . Manipulated by HoBo_John
NewYork
Time for another HoBo travel report. This time it’s New York, and Hamburg HoBo, Benedict is along for the ride again.
Ross had to stay home, something to do with training his army of small girlfriends. I didn’t press him for details. Now before you write in a complain about anything in the guide, remember, we were only there for a few days and it’s all our opinions, so if you disagree with anything, or we’ve got something wrong, let us know at specialbrew@www.flashinghobo.com . Enjoy.
Getting There
We got the tickets from www.tiss.com . Booking tickets online was something I had never done before, but it was very easy and Tiss.com were helpful and prompt in sending the tickets.
The flights were from Hamburg (had to go and fetch the Hamburg HoBo) to New York via Milan on Alitalia and cost £240.They kept the booze coming and the food was ok and it was comfy enough. Don’t forget though to tell them in advance if you are vegetarian like we did or you’ll be going hungry by the time you’ve pushed aside all your meat, oo er. Unfortunately the film they showed was Bicentennial man, which is probably grounds for a full refund.
We arrived at New Jersey airport after filling in our temporary visa cards, which say we're not terrorists or convicts or whatever.
After we got through customs, which was pretty straightforward and quite quick, we queued up for a cab outside. There is a person at the head of the queue who you tell your destination, and then they give you a ticket with the price, so you don’t get ripped off. It is best to do this, don’t wander off and get any old cab unless you know what you’re doing. This was our first time in America and as we sped from the airport to our hosts flat in the east village it looked as much like a theatre set, huge buildings, steam rising from the street, the Jets and Sharks having a knife fight /dance, down a side street. Ok I made that last bit up, but that’s what it looked like to me. If you arrive at NJ airport like we did then you will go along the New Jersey turnpike (first of many Simon & Garfunkel references).
Simon & Garfunkel will greet you at the airport
Now, there are tollbooths along the way so make sure you have change to give to the taxi driver because you have to pay them. And if you don’t he/she might kill you and throw your dead body in a skip. They are no more than a few dollars each though so fear not.
During our time in New York we were staying with Jan in his apartment in the East village. Jan is a cohort of HoBo Benedict and is also from Hamburg. He is working in America for Karin Bacon, sister of Kevin organising events for office party’s and the like.
Jan. Honorary HoBo and all round nice guy.
What’s on
The first thing to do is pick up a copy of TIME OUT. This lists all the shows, concerts and exhibitions etc for the coming week. There is also a free paper called The Village Voice, which details events in the East Village, and probably Greenwich Village too. But not Narborough village
Using the Phones
There are pay phones on every street but if you want to phone somewhere outside of the U.S on them, forget it. We could not figure it out anyway.
HoBo John Completely failing to phone home
You should buy yourself a phonecard and use somebody’s home phone or hotel phone if you can. What you do is type in the number on the card followed by the number you want to call and then the call is charged to the card. Gettit?
A phone card I got from a guy I mugged
Sightseeing
We decided not to bother with most of the usual tourist attractions as those kind of things are usually disappointing, and that time could be better spent cruising bars and restaurants but you can’t come to New York and not check out the Empire State Building can you?
On the inside it looks like it hasn’t seen a lick of paint for about 50 years, but we weren’t there to see the décor, it’s the view from the top that is pretty awe inspiring. The whole of New York City is spread out beneath you in and it’s an amazing sight. You have to wonder as you stare out over the metropolis, "How many people are fucking, out there?"
Incidentally this is the only time on the trip we hear NY referred to as the Big Apple, when we see a glass apple for $30 here in the crabby gift shop which sells low quality toss at inflated prices. We at the HoBo urge you not to purchase such things as it only encourages them to make more.
People waiting for the Ferry. Note the skyscraper built around the tiny house in the background. Bet that pissed them off when they built that!
Another tourist thing that is worth doing is taking the Staten Island ferry from Battery Park. It leaves every half-hour or so. We got on it as the sun was going down. It must be said that pulling away from the dock at sunset looking back at Manhattan is a beautiful humbling experience. The Manhattan skyline will be familiar to you from the countless times its likeness has been abused in various ways, especially advertising in the 80’s. You half expect the word MANHATTAN to appear in pink writing high above the buildings. Thank god it doesn’t. As we sailed past the statue of liberty on this short journey we saw that it is a lot smaller than we thought it would be. Nevertheless we still, like every other tourist on the boat, took a picture of it on a compact camera which appeared like a subbuteo man on the final picture. You can’t capture the majesty of a panoramic scene like this on a cannon sure shot.
We also saw a woman with possibly the biggest ass in the world. I swear it was big as a fridge.
Central Park is big. Very big. Bigger than Abbey park in Leicester, and that’s quite big. Quite possibly bigger than the sun. You will recognise parts of it from the many movies filmed here, although that can be said about much of New York. It’s amazing to be in the middle of the maddest city in the world and find yourself surrounded by trees in a peaceful park. It is probably worth taking a whole day to come here and have a picnic and walk around. We sadly didn’t have the time, so it’s on to museum mile.
Solomon R Guggenheim museum is great. Great because it’s an architectural wonder, great because it’s full of amazing art work which you can look at, pretend you understand and pretend you’re in a woody Allen film. And great because it’s full of babes. Don’t go near the edges of the spiral walkway though, the walls are really low and it’s a long way down. There are dozens more galleries and museums that we didn’t have time to visit along museum mile.
Nightlife
Now I am 27 years old and Benedict and Jan are 22 but we still could not get a beer without our passports or some other I.D. The legal drinking age is 21 and most places are very strict about seeing proof of age, so get used to taking it out with you. Also, the bar staff expect tips. It is the usual to tip a couple of dollars every time, so account for that in your boozing budget.
There are so many bars in New York it would have been tough to know which one’s were any good, but luckily as Jan is resident in N.Y he knew where to go.
The comedy cellar is a top New York comedy venue. Located in Greenwich Village near the Blue note café. It’s walls are adorned with past players such as Robin Williams and Jerry Seinfeld and indeed such luminaries still make occasional surprise re visits to the place. We didn’t plan to go in there at all but as we walked past a guy called us over and gave us the usual spiel "Hey fella’s try out the comedy cellar. If you don’t like the look of it no problem $7.00 entry fee and minimum two drinks each. We took a look but decided not to. "Ok scrap the fee, just the drinks" So we decided to give it a go. And were we glad we did. As soon as we entered the place the compere is on to us. He seems instinctively to know I’m English before I open my mouth. We watched around 6 comedians. They were all good but one guy; Mitch Fiatel was awesomely funny. So try and catch him. Nearly all the comedians were high on audience participation, which was a lot of fun, especially if you sit near the stage like we did.
CBGB’s is a legendary music venue from the days of Blondie, Television and the New York Dolls. But it didn’t seem so hot when we were there. We didn’t recognise any of the bands on the forthcoming show list, although that’s not necessarily a bad thing; there are no doubt some great small local acts worth checking out. But seeing as we were there for a short time we opted to see the mighty Super Furry Animals at the Bowery Ballroom (see review) instead
Pick me up bar in East Village is the ideal place to come in the small hours after a night out. It’s a quiet place where people sit and read and chat and drink coffee or a last beer.
Jan contemplates life, outside pick me up.
Food
Where to start? Falafel is popular here and highly recommended. Sushi bars are everywhere and are also great. Basically if you can’t find something you like here then you don’t like food. We had heard it could be tricky for vegetarians, but we didn’t have any problem whatsoever. Another misnomer is that you can’t get a decent cup of tea in the U.S. That’s bullshit. Buy a box of Lipton tea from a store, put boiling water on it and add milk. Tea. Easy. A great little diner is 28 seats in the East Village and I started every day with a different flavour glazed donut and coffee from there. And the guy who runs the place is very friendly, so give him your custom.
Shopping
There are GAP stores all over the place, but if like me you think GAP is kind of obvious and vile then try Yellow Rat Bastard, quite a cool clothes store with lots of t-shirts and trainers. Benedict bought all his stuff at GAP for dirt-cheap prices; but then again he would probably look good in a tutu. I however had to go and get ripped off at DIESEL to look halfway decent. There are probably some great independent clothes shops around and some cool boutiques but we didn’t have the time to find them. You lot find them and let us know.
For music there is Tower records, which probably has what you want but is overpriced and soulless. Much better to try one of the dozens of independent record stores which are generally cheaper, more friendly and not at all like the record shop in High Fidelity. I bought Mr Bungles California, which is, incidentally a better album than Let It Be by The Beatles. Yeah, you’re shocked now aren’t you?
Tattoo parlours are abundant too, so go mad and get a tattoo of a HoBo on your face!
He beat my ass blue after I took this Shot!
Right I’m not typing anymore so go away and get a flight to New York, then write and tell us all about it!
HoBo Says "New York, is not a big apple, it’s a city, a very cool city"
"Thanks for reading, Mutha fuckers!, see ya soon, and take Care"